Reasons you should go out with me
The idea for this list, and some of the entries on it, came from an incredible list I
happened upon on the web by Dale Miller (aka Skirtman).
Note that this list is meant to be humorous; please don't take offense (or at least
please don't email me about the offense you took). Sam
- If you let me take you to dinner, you get free food.
- Graying beard and temples make me look more wise than I really am.
- I give incredible back rubs.
- I have appeared on stage at a comedy club and folks actually laughed.
- Cats seem to like me.
- Smiles and hugs: free with every interaction.
- Would you want to be known throughout history as "the one who let Sam Cancilla get away"?
- Won't be wasting my money on flashy new vehicles as I prefer broken-down old ones.
- Bad news for me: my parents are deceased. Good news for you: no inlaws!!!
- Yearly trips to Las Vegas. And I won't try to impersonate Elvis.
- I take a shower at least once a day.
- Created and wore the award winning ties at both the 2002 (Lucky Tie) and 2003 (Jacob's Ladder Tie) New Years Eve parties.
- After an intimate encounter a woman once suggested I should come with warning labels. It is left as an exercise for the reader to discover what she meant by that.
- I had a flag on my vehicle before September 11th.
- With all the rollercoasters I've ridden, our relationship doesn't need to be one.
- I fix a mean frozen dinner.
- I am an excellent father and have raised excellent sons.
- Voted best hugger at more than one gathering.
- I do my own laundry and have never put a red shirt in with the whites.
- My son is a cop and he'd likely let you off with a warning if he stopped you for speeding and you were my girlfriend.
- I own a pickup truck and a utility trailer and often use them to help friends move.
- I only tie women up and spank them when they ask me to.
- Six Flags season pass holder many years since 1999. Nearest Six Flags? 627 miles.
- I understand the difference between their, there, and they're.
- Briefs, since you asked, but not the boring white ones.
- How many men do you know who have a tattoo of a Dr. Seuss character (38kb jpg)?
- Good partner to have while playing 'Trivial Pursuit' or 'Songburst'--I kick ass.
- Ratio of O's, generally 3:1 or better in her favor. 10:1 is not unheard of.
- I am gainfully
employed retired (since May, 2015).
- Though I enjoy an occasional drink I am more than happy to be the designated driver on most occasions. Get as drunk as you like.
- We are of opposite genders in the same species.
- I'm magically delicious.
- I am hardly ever referred to as 'infernal', 'mundane' or 'meddling'.
- DirecTV with a DVR--you'll know where to find me almost every night.
- Impressive record with Honey-Do lists for women in my life. I own the right tools and know how to use them.
- My cat: spayed. Me: neutered (OK, vasectomized then).
- Four out of five dentists recommend me.
I actually iron the dress shirts I wear most of the time. (Oops)
- New & Improved Sam, now with 5% more wackiness than the old Sam.
- Once brought in $60.00 bid in a Valentine's Bachelor Auction fundraiser. I wasn't the bachelor with the lowest bid!
- I once performed the Heimlich Maneuver to save a choking victim.
- I am cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
- I'm cute and cuddly.
- I know how to make websites accessible to disabled users (Note: I sold this business in late 2002).
- Skillful tongue, if you know what I mean.
- I know my way around Disneyland.
- I don't just want to grope your body.
- I'm not easy, but we can discuss it.
- The US Government trusts me enough to have issued me a security clearance.
- I've volunteered my time and skills to build websites for charities: Habitat for Humanity of New Mexico and Albuquerque Parents Without Partners.
- Take me now. There will be plenty of time for normal people later.
- I have been both a Cub Scout and Boy Scout leader and have raised an Eagle Scout.
- 2013 vacaton: visited three museums, one natural wonder, class & family reunions, five amusement parks (54 rollercoasters ridden--woo hoo!).
My loud snoring has kept many a burglar away. No more snoring since I started using an iron lung a CPAP machine at night.
- Tastes great and less filling.
- Largest collection of wacky ties this side of the Mississippi.
- I only look innocent.
- I am unlike any man you have ever met.
- I have an imagination and I don't mind using it.
- I've given Mardi Gras beads to women without requiring the normal payment. Of course payment is always appreciated and graciously accepted if they insist.
- I know all the words to John Denver's "Perhaps Love" and "Annie's Song" and will sing them to you if asked.
- I don't cheat on my partners or my income taxes.
- I know all the words to Marcy Playground's "Sex and Candy" and will sing it to you if asked.
- I try not to make a habit out of wrecking marriages.
- Actually, I know some of the words to most songs from my youth and will sing them even if you don't ask (and likely even if you ask me not to--sorry 'bout that).
- I sometimes dress up for Halloween and look good in fishnets (88kb jpg) when I need to.
- I'll respect you in the morning.
My baggage fits nicely under the seat in front of me leaving room in the overhead compartment for other's larger baggage. (opinions on this vary).
- Recently bought a Blu-Ray player. First disc purchased? The Wizard of Oz, obviously.
- I've never said no to a woman who wanted to have one of her girlfriends join us in bed. No woman has ever asked, mind you, but I see that as a technicality.
- My former wife and I have remained good friends.
- Cool toys. 'nuf said.
- I can often hold up my end of a conversation.
- I can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'.
- Every February: You, me, and Baskin Robbins 'Love Potion #31' ice cream.